In all the times I've sat here writing, I've always tried to glean some kind of wisdom through the experiences I've had. Yesterday was no different.
I have to admit, I did cry a little. Only because to have two men who held me at a crossroads both do identical things, well, it's like I always say, if you don't like the paths you're given, you cut your own. I think that's smart.
Well, last night, I needed a movie to cheer me up. After spending some quality time with a friend that I've neglected because of my own fears (thanks for being you KP). I just needed a film to pick me up after he reminded me in his own way that every time something happens, it's up to me to build a bridge and get over it, and I'm the only one that's got the building tools in hand to build it then walk over it onto a better path.
So, thanks to iTunes, I finally got to see Eat, Pray, Love.
Let's just say I was due. Like I've said before, you can only hear the message life is trying to give you when you reach the point that you're ready to hear it. I realized, watching the film, that life always starts over again, you can always turn the page and find a new adventure just by opening yourself up to the next great experience.
It's like that line from Myst IV, "It's as if a door inside me has closed despite all I've done to keep it open. But in a way, maybe that's good. [...] Endings are just another form of beginning, I guess, and the harder an end is to face, the more hope we bring with us to the next beginning."
You know, I could get cheated on 50 times, but it still doesn't diminish the hope that resides inside me and the fact that I've got a lot of great things inside that is just waiting for the right person to see. Building the bridge isn't easy though because it's built on a lot of revisiting all of the things that have gone wrong and how we've coped with them along the way. Each time something goes bad, it becomes a nail or a board in the bridge that you labor with all your heart to build, then walk over it to move on.
But, onto my experience watching Eat, Pray, Love.
I was curled up in my chair in front of the computer and right at the point where Julia Robert's character of Liz is arguing with the Italian landlady about the amount of water in the tub, when a fairly large spider decided it was going to run along the wall in front of me. I quickly hit pause on iTunes, ran into my kitchen and grabbed my can of roach and spider killer. You know me, I'm arachnophobic as all get out, hell, I'm arthropodophobic...if it's got a jointed body and jointed legs and has more than four legs, I'm up on the furniture screaming. Well, last night, I would have been damned if some stupid insect was going to keep me from seeing a film I so desperately had wanted to see for so long. So, losing track of the bugger, I sprayed a couple of walls and baseboards hoping it would do it, then curled back up in my chair, anxiously watching more of the walls for the spider than I was of the movie on the screen, but I was listening.
It wasn't until Julia made it to Bali when the spider reared it's head again, descending from the makeshift table made from a wooden stool next to my desk by a thin piece of web. I squealed, ran around the coffee table, away from the spider to grab the can again and that son of a gun decided to take cover beneath my environmental studies book as if to say..."Look! If you kill me you're hurting the environment." I rolled my eyes and promptly grabbed one of my cherry red Doc Marten combat boots and sent him to the land of two dimensions. No spiders in my house thank you very much.
It was at that point that I sat back down and resumed the film that Javier Bardem came in. So, now up to this point, I had watched Julia's character go through the carb-fest in Italy, the ashram in India and now she's with a hottie in Bali. Ok, I was down with this because there were so many parts along the way in the film that were just screaming out to me, "Hey! Pay attention!" I can't even give examples because there were so many, I lost count because of the poignancy of each message. I'm going to have to watch the film again and take notes because it was such an incredible journey the woman made, and it's no small wonder that Oprah picked the book the film was based on to be one of her book club selections. I was reminded of so many of my friends that I love so much, those I've helped and most of all, those who have helped me.
But it also reminded me of one thing, I have a pal who's stuck with me through thick and thin, who's put up with my mountain of bull and my moments of neglecting everything around me but myself. I owe him a lot. He's been my ashram where I've gone to ponder the reasons for everything, he's been my medicine man and most of all, he's just been my shoulder to lean on. I guess we all need people in our lives like that and to Kathy, Dana, Tae, Natalee, Tammy, Nan and the rest of you who took time to comfort me after yesterday's ordeal, I have to say thanks. I'm so very lucky to have people like you with me on the journey. We've seen a lot together. So, it's just on to turning the page, it's on to grabbing up the hammer and placing another nail in the bridge that gets me over things.
However, you'll have to excuse me, I owe someone a handwritten letter. He's a guy who reminds me so much of Javier Bardem's character because he tears up when he hugs his kids.
Have a great day everyone! To reinforce my lesson of the day, I give you a song from Eat, Pray, Love, Eddie Vedder's song "Better Days."