Saturday, September 29, 2012

The Comeback, Part II

I am starting to believe that comeback stories are, for the most part, a collection of moments that detail great momentum forward, followed by small setbacks.  Okay, sometimes tall, handsome, blue-eyed setbacks.  Nonetheless, it's an ever constant need to put one foot in front of the other.  At times like this I fall back huge to my Myst teachings, Rand Miller as Atrus always makes me feel better at times like this, especially when I can watch the ending of  Myst IV: Revelation:

I can't watch that without bawling my fool head off.  On sooooo many levels... but the part that is the most important to me is the part where he says, "Endings are just another form of beginning, I guess. And the harder an end is to face, the more hope we bring with us to the next beginning." Welcome to week one of the six-week long epic suck. I remember when my ex hit the door, so do you.  Oh gods, I did not want to do this again, but it comes with the what-should-be reassurance that my heart, however broken it is, still works.  It's capable of giving and it's still capable of going once again through what is sure to be a six-week epic suckfest.  It's going to be six weeks of bone-jarring fun from discovering all of the little little things left behind by Ace and the moments of burying my face in my pillow to keep my neighbors from hearing me cry night after night. It sucks, but it has to be done.  Like Rand says, endings are just another form of beginning, and I get to begin again, tightening down on everything in my life that has been neglected after a year of taking my eye off the ball.  And, just because he's down the road doesn't mean I get the luxury of caving.  I was just standing in the bathroom, looking myself in the mirror telling myself, "We know the first six weeks are going to be hard." It was then that I opened a drawer and found Ace's shaving cream.  What happened next wasn't pretty because I just collapsed next to my bathroom vanity in long sobs.  I'm not pretty all puffy faced, but that's why I've got y'all and my daffy blog, trying to remind myself that hopefully, like Mary says, 'this too shall pass." It's been three and a half days.  I can do this.  I can get up off my rump and tackle things that need tackling. It's like what Marcus Aurelius said, "it's up to you."  Yeah it is up to me.  So, I'm going to dry it up, get myself together and go to bed, try to sleep, which we already know isn't going to go well, but hey, eventually I'll fall asleep.  At least I've got a new Kenyon novel.  The story of another beaten and battered soul made whole when it's given enough love...oh hell, I can't even read that.  I might just snuggle up with my philosophy book, maybe that will help.  Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow a bit more stoic and able to handle the next six weeks not-so-horribly. To relax, I'm going to stick to an old standby, it helps me sleep.  Hopefully it will do the same for you too.

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