Sunday, August 5, 2012

The Bakers Dozen: Revenge of the Hotties List

As you well recall, I have been building a compendium of hotties as we've gone along.

In total, I've mentioned the "hotties list" in 12 separate posts.  Sometimes it's references as to who deserves to make it, other times it's been about who couldn't make it onto the list even if they begged, pleaded and threw in a steak dinner at N9NE over at The Palms to prove how much beefcake they've got.

Everyone's reasons for looking at someone and going "Oh that's HOT" are different. Mine comes from how much pure nutritional value seems to radiate from within them. For the most part though, it's how handsome they are combined with how much they make me laugh, cry or sit and contemplate the world.

Before I start though, I have to give Honorary Hotties status to Sean Connery and Robin Williams.  Mr. Connery for being hot from the moment he was born to the fact that he could be 200 years old and still set women's thighs aflame with a simple "hello".  Robin is a honorary hottie because he's my all-time number one crush for so many reasons I won't bother keeping you here all day to read them.

Most of all, I must give Honorary Hottie status to the one and only Rand Miller, the man who has never heard of me, but has changed my life forever with all things Myst:

Over the four years I've been writing, Rand's vision of the world, his definition of photo-realism and his family's ability to make the Seven Virtues available to everyone through great storytelling has been a huge part of keeping me going. That's so much nutritional value in one person that I truly hope the man lives forever.

So, before I add on tonight's honoree, let's go back in time to review the guys who have made the list and the posts they spring from:

May 26, 2010 - One of my favorite posts of all time: "Boys." kicked off the list with my appreciation for: 
  • #1 - Hugh Jackman
  • #2 - Ewan McGregor
  • #3 - Robert Downey Jr.
  • #4 - Sam Worthington
  • #5 - Matthew Fox
October 15, 2010 - From a lonely Friday night spent at home we got "Sigh with me..." and:
  • #6 - Matthew Goode
October 28, 2010 - After getting stood up on what was supposed to be the first date after the bomb went off, swooping down in drag to save the day was "One more for the hotties list" and:
  • #7 - Eddie Izzard
November 21, 2010 - A Saturday before the holidays pent up studying gave us a great werewolf flick and a "New hottie of the day" courtesy of:
  • #8 - Michael Sheen
December 6, 2010 - The day World of Warcraft: Cataclysm came out, it also gave us "Hottie of the Day, #9":
  • #9 - Chris Metzen
July 8, 2011 - There was a good seven month break in additions to the hotties list until Game of Thrones premiered and the yummy sight of this fella playing Khal Drogo, followed soon after by him playing the title role in the re-make of Conan the Barbarian, we got "Books, books, books, and oh wait...TV..." and the beefcake smorgasbord of:
  • #10 - Jason Momoa
January 22, 2012 - After several sweet e-mails from a friend, we got "Thunderstruck" by Thor and:
  • #11 - Chris Hemsworth

Now we're on to tonight's addition to the hotties list who also makes our list of beautiful men, not counting the honorary's, an even dozen.

Tonight's hottie is the man who woo'd Oscar with his ability to disarm IED's in The Hurt Locker. He also set the screen on fire this summer as Hawkeye in The Avengers. Until tonight, I had always believed he was a too cute for words 30-something, but after digging around a bit, the atheist in me is in doubt thinking there might just be a God because he's 41, a whopping nine months older than I am. OMG! One I could actually date and get away with it! (Yeah, I know, not in a million years, like he'd even look at me...but hey, I can dream.)

The icing on the cake? You'll never believe it in 100 years, but tonight's hottie could also EASILY be Ace's younger brother, or better yet, play Ace in a movie because they look extremely similar. From the bright blue eyes to the devastating smile that could bring any girl to their knees, I don't believe there is one girl on the planet that would kick him from her bed for stealing covers, snoring, eating crackers or anything else that matter.

Here's some groovy factoids I found:

  • He'd recognize the Kali sticks I have next to my bed for home protection.
  • He's someone who could watch Muay Thai Boxing with me.
  • He's someone who would understand why I beat the fool out of my pork chops to make good schnitzel or why cucumber salad and cold red cabbage salad rock.
  • He's someone who I wouldn't have to explain why vox are so important to the tune.
I'm telling you, this guy should have made the hotties list way back, but as it takes me forever to "get" things, I'm very grateful that we've gotten to him today.

Ok, I'll kill the suspense for you.  Are you ready?  Here's Mr. Even Dozen because he is all that nestled in with the glass of milk and the 11 other cookies on the plate:

#12 - Jeremy Renner

Oh thank you, thank you to whomever came up with the term "even dozen!" WooT!  Here, because he's just  so Ace-a-licious, let's have a smiley pic:

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Genetics, aren't they just wonderful?

Best part?  I can look all I want, I can watch his performances on screen and think of the beautiful Ace sans the bad attitude and emotional unavailability. I seriously doubt Mr. Renner has ever looked at any of his girlfriends and told them that he'd give them emotional reciprocation "Only when he's goddamn good and ready."

Yep, and that's why Mr. Jeremy Renner is the Hottie of the Day. He gives me hope for my generation.

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