Sunday, December 27, 2009

It's Complicated and I'm traumatized.

I spent the day with my nephew.  The apple of my eye and the most wonderful young man ever created.  I adore that boy.  I'm so happy I have him as my nephew, I couldn't asked for better.

After a day of wine shopping, taking in the new City Center here in Vegas, my family decided at dinner for us to see the film "It's Complicated."

Now, let's go over the story really fast:

Meryl Streep's character Jane has been divorced for 10 years.  She's a successful bakery owner, she's got all her ducks in a row and one evening, during a trip to New York to see their son graduate college, she has a fling with her ex, Jake (played by Alec Baldwin).  However, in the meantime, she meets her architect, Adam (played by Steve Martin), and starts digging on him while she's sleeping with her ex.  Like the film title says, 'It's Complicated'.

Come to find out, Jake had an affair which ended his and Jane's marriage. I sat there mortified when I found that out...ok, NOT the right movie for me to see.

My sister sat and laughed through the film.  I guess it was easy for her to take because she has a boyfriend and her life is very focused right now.  Mine, however, is filled with still coping with the lying, cheating, SOB that screwed me up to high heaven, added onto the fact that the guy I really want lives 2500 miles away and I can't even reach out and touch him.  (Groan with me please, I need the sympathy at this point.)

Worse is that when Jane sleeps with Jake, well, there's Alec Baldwin laying there with a chest full of fur, so bad that it looks like a cat had an enormous hairball and threw up on his chest...very similar to my ex (and he was a furry bastard from hell as well.)

The entire film, I went from moments of covering my face in agony, saying to my nephew sitting next to me, "I need a drink" and writhing in my seat like my pants were on fire.  I didn't want to be there to say the least.  The film had some great laughs in it, but it didn't make up for the fact that every time Jake came onto the screen I wanted to scream "GET RID OF HIM!  THROW HIM OUT!!!"  It was horrifying to see Jane get sucked in by that cheating low-life.  It was traumatic to say the least.

Directly after the film I came home to hear the one voice that would make that nightmare end.  Now, in the past, I've written about my friend KP and how much I love his kids and everything, but the truth is, I'm crazy in the head for the man, and I've never even met him in real life.  Ok, now let's give the scoop on him:

When my ex hit the door, or rather when I threw him out, the one guy that mopped me up and let me cry on his "shoulder" was my pal KP.  He's been in the exact same situation I'm in.  His wife cheated on him and he ended that, bonus was that he got 3 fantastic kids out of the deal.  When I hit rock bottom, there was KP ready to lift me up.  He taught me the phrase, "Build a bridge and get over it" when I thought that the world was going to end and I had no hope in sight.  In the year plus I've known him, he's never lied to me and he's always been really wonderful to me.

The other neat thing about KP is that, well, we've had very similar life experiences.  The famous people, the undervalued skill sets, the great intelligence, the quick wit, you name it, KP and I have it in common.  We even finish each other's sentences sometimes.  I doubt if I'll ever know if he feels the same way about me that I feel about him, but if nothing else, he's one guy I want to have as my friend for the rest of my life.  He's just that special.

So, I come in from the movie, change clothes and all the while, I'm talking to myself about the film, thinking about my ex and if I'd ever have an affair with him, and I kept going "NO!  NO!  Never!  I want him away from me!  NO!"  Traumatized and at my wits end with anxiety, I logged onto World of Warcraft, turn on the voice-over-IP software "Ventrillo" and what do I find?  My pals Chance, Amy and KP all sitting in Vent.  First question out of my mouth after I described the film and how traumatized I was, I asked KP, "Would you ever go back to your ex?"  He replied a VERY fast, "NO."  I breathed a sigh of relief, because all truth be told, I want KP for myself, I'm greedy like that, he's all that and a plate of cookies along with being more beautiful inside than he is externally and his exterior?  OMG...HOT!  He's beautiful in fifteen million ways, but his heart is the most beautiful part of him.  However, his response to the question made me feel better because it reinforced what I believe as well, that a cheating ex should NEVER be taken back.  I followed up the question to KP with "If you were ever in a relationship again, would you ever cheat?"  He replied a very fast, "NO WAY."  I guess it's because both KP and I have been through the very bitter betrayals of being cheated on, it's unfathomable to either of us to ever cheat on our partners.

After I relayed how traumatized I was by the film, my friend Amy told me that it would be equivalent to putting someone with cancer in front of the film "Terms of Endearment".

At that point, I was still traumatized, so I went to the kitchen poured myself a fairly large portion of a Sp├Ątlese that was chilling in my fridge and came back to my desk.  I took a long drink of the wine and convinced myself it was far past overdue for me to "build a bridge and get over it", even though with how my heart was racing and anxiety was getting the better of me, I made myself concentrate on KP's voice and remember how over the last nine months it's been his voice that has been the most reassuring to me in the darkest of hours.  I guess he's my Steve Martin character from the film.  He's the one guy I think the crowd is cheering for me to meet.  lol.

The whole film thing, even though it had funny parts just was NOT the right film for me to see.  Amy pointed out that I should have seen Sherlock Holmes instead, which I wholeheartedly agreed with because that was the film I WANTED to see.  I hadn't even heard of "It's Complicated".  It doesn't hurt that KP is that same kind of dark and handsome gorgeous that Robert Downey Jr. is, at least for my $10 I could have sat and had eye-candy and walk out of the theater laughing instead of sitting here traumatized and even more willing than I already am to give my right arm for a plane ticket to Hawaii.

So, what did I get out of this evening?  A blog post that tells recently abandoned divorcees to NOT see "It's Complicated".  It's a funny film.  It's really good, but not the right content for the recently betrayed.  Trust me, if you're in my shoes, you're not ready for it.  Heal, take time to give yourself some love, but for goodness sake, stay OUT of the movie theater that it's playing in.  See "It's Complicated" when you've healed a good bit and for now, go see something that will make you laugh and spend time with people that you love and love you in return.

Altogether, my day?  Painful.  Breaking in new Cherry Red Doc Marten's with 13 hours plus of walking then tack on a fairly crappy meal AND a traumatizing movie with it is not the way to go.  Lesson learned, don't put new shoes and a traumatizing movie together on the same day.

I'm just going to put band-aids on blistered feet, build a bridge over the trauma of the film and just get over it.

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