Dear Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences:
James Franco was a disaster at this year's Oscars. Not only did he seem shady and shifty, he also made watching the telecast boring. Anne Hathaway however, did an outstanding job, so I only have seven words to share with you for the 84th presentation of your awards...
Bring Anne Hathaway back again next year.
p.s. And pair her with Hugh Jackman.
Now on to the great and not so great moments:
- Someone please call Melissa Leo and remind her that ABC (the network that broadcast the Oscars) is owned by Disney. Disney is so anti-F-bomb that Melissa Leo has lost any chance of EVER being in a Disney produced film.
- Did you notice the Union jabs? Ah yes, the Wisconsin Teachers Union was cheering their head off every time someone thanked their union.
- Nice work by the documentary winner in his role as Captain Obvious: taking time in his acceptance speech to note the fact that not one single bank CEO, responsible for the financial woes we're experiencing, is in jail.
- Did you notice the very subtle music cues? They made it soft enough so that the folks running over time would have a nice send off along with Melissa Leo off to the side yelling, "Get the F off the stage!"
- What was with the choice of James Franco's grey tux shirt? Was it me or did he look dirty, like he was stuck in the crevasse that was 128 Hours?
- Note to the producers: Never put a female host in an electric blue dress. That really hurt my eyes along with the fact that Anne looked like she put in a call to The Blue Man Group to borrow some of their latex.
- Colin Firth. Cardboard. Colin Firth. Cardboard. You decide.
- "Triangle of Man-Love." Oh, that's just waiting to become a catch phrase, right next to Queen Latifah's "lady-wood."
- The Bob Hope hologram. Well done. See, even if you're dead it doesn't give the great Oscar hosts an out for at least hosting a little bit. Just ask Billy Crystal.
- Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law. Was it me or were they subliminally promoting Sherlock Holmes II?
- Related to #10: Did you happen to see Robert Downey Jr.'s face when Iron Man 2 lost for visual effects? Ok, dude, it was against Inception, you were expecting something else?
- The look on Christopher Nolan's face when his original screenplay lost. Oooh, he was piiiiiiissed.
- The flashbacks of a pregnant Catherine Zeta Jones whipping out the zinger about pregnancy when she won for "Chicago" when Natalie Portman was accepting her Oscar for Black Swan.
- Sandra Bullock's delivery of the line to Jeff Bridges, "Dude! Dude! You won last year, how about spacing it out." I could hear Flynn's retort from Tron: Legacy, "You're really messing with my Zen, man."
- Kirk Douglas. Kirk Douglas. Kirk Douglas. Hysfrigginsterical. "Where were you when I was making pictures?" His stalling before announcing the winners was awesome! He's what 94 years old and he was bar none the best part of the whole show? This is why he is a legend.
- Cate Blanchett, what was that dress about? Yellow and Lavender? Eeek. Loved her hair though.
- The stop moment for Lena Horne during In Memoriam. Necessary? Unnecessary? You decide.
- Christian Bale admitting he's got a bad temper.
- Oscars for Alice in Wonderland. You know that had to make me happy.
- That it ended seven minutes after it was supposed to. Check the internet tomorrow, it might be a record for the shortest Oscar telecast.
Ok, so I covered 20 points right off the top of my head. Not bad. But, as the stars head for the Governor's Ball, the Vanity Fair party and all of the rest of the fantastic Oscar parties, it's time for me to head back to the books, write my Timeline paper for Personal Growth, read a chapter out of my Global Media book and hit the sack, hey, 5 a.m. comes early for those of us not lucky enough to be rich and famous.
But, it was nice to have a bit of glitz and glamor for the evening, wasn't it?
I have to come back to this one more time because it's grating on my nerves. Yay Anne! Good for her. She hosted a great show. The whole thing with her and Jackman was hysterical. I just wish they'd not paired James Franco with her. Was it me or did he look like he could have cared less to be there, so he tried to self-medicate with a half-ton of marijuana? I'm serious, he looked stoned! But what made it worse was them making him up like Marilyn Monroe. Drag queens all over the country went, "Um, no." It's like Anne said during the telecast, "Drink at home folks!"