Monday, May 7, 2012

Amazing...Happy 3rd Birthday Sophomores!

Well, the day came and went and I forgot to observe it, but the Sophomore has officially turned three and we've started year four in the best way possible: With hope.

As most of you know, I didn't start writing about my experiences until I went back to school. Speaking of, I've got a few close-ups to share about the semester along with what you've come to expect, my regular semester wrap-up coming soon.

But in it all, when I realized I had forgotten to mark the third anniversary of my life after marriage, I was looking into Ace's beautiful blue eyes. It was then that I realized that counting the years really didn't matter anymore, that it is my experiences now that are the ones worth counting, not torturing myself that it's been three years since a woman who looks remarkably like a Basset Hound decided to steal my ex-husband...ask my editor, he's seen her picture and gone, "OMG. You're right! She does!" Followed directly by, "He left you for her?" Yes Smith, he did. I guess I have to be grateful for her because if it wasn't for her not caring that my ex-husband was married or that my ex-husband had no sense of self-control and a bad case of seven-year-itch, I wouldn't be where I am now: Phi Kappa Phi, Kappa Tau Alpha and on the Dean's List Honors, surrounded by the most brilliant minds I could ever ask to be influenced by.

Aerosmith said in the song "Amazing" that "Life's a journey, not a destination." My friends from the Myst Universe can totally understand that sentiment, after all, life in Uru is all about the journey and each journey cloth you touch - the equivalent of remembering the important parts along the way. It is all about learning how deep your cavern blood really flows, living without pride and embracing the art of the selfless. After three years of writing, I can honestly say that I believe that my quest to find life again after marital demise has had it's touch points; and all the while each touch point has had a hand print on each memorable moment, preserved in words that have had their moments of kindness, gentleness, tastefulness and, how ever much I tried to avoid it, the inverse as well. It has definitely shown me that my cavern blood needs to run a lot deeper to make sure I get everything I should from each experience I have.

Year three has seen the very rocky introduction of Ace. I honestly think the man may well qualify for sainthood after being with me, but all during our ups and downs, he's been the rock (albeit sometimes he gets them caught in his shoe) that has really shown me that strength exists in places we don't even consider and that trust combined with preconceived notions don't mix, you just have to take that leap of faith and know that your partner is going to catch you - good, bad or worse. I can't say enough good things about my Ace of Hearts. I really wish someday I could meet his mom and say "Thank you" for him because I don't know what I'd do without him.

We've also seen the ups and downs that go along with PTSD and relationships.  It's not easy being in a relationship to begin with, combine it with an illness like ours and you're in for one hell of an adventure.  It has taught me that we really don't get the most out of our experiences unless we feel that we've dug in and really taken part in them.  Ace took a girl just fine with being a recluse and made her go out into the world.  He's still loving to push me beyond my boundaries, so much so that he's told me (which as you know is very hard for him to do) that he's proud of me and how far I've come in the 10 months I've known him.  I can definitely now say that it's all about the commitment.  You gotta commit.  It's like deciding to go skydiving, you either jump or you chicken out.  From my view in the cheap seats, the jump is well worth it.

So as we say goodbye to number three and start in on the long-awaited number four, I can definitely agree with Aerosmith when they say, "From all of us to all of you out there where ever you are: Remember, the light at the end of the tunnel may be you.  Good night."

And so to celebrate the day, Aerosmith's "Amazing."

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