Tuesday, June 28, 2011

As it should be...

As we all know, I forget to eat.  I do.  I'm a bad person for not taking better care of myself, but when I'm working, I totally forget to stop to eat.  So today, I wanted to switch gears and make sure I ate (and had leftovers to spare).

Today was fun, I worked a lot, which is consisting of a LOT of writing about MMOG's, MMOW's, and MMOE's.  Ok, for those of you who aren't into the online world genre, a MMO stands for Massively Multiplayer Online...in which case the "G" stands for game, the "W" stands for world, and the "E" stands for environment.  It's a lot of technical mumbo-jumbo, so just be glad I'm in my own little world having to write about all of it, and trust me, I don't want to go into it any more than that because I'll barf if I talk about it anymore today.  Think about it this way, when you leave work, do you really want to talk about it more?  Um, that would be NO.

But, after I finally came to a stopping place in my work, I realized that my cupboards were bare and I needed to grocery shop.  So, like a good girl, I had already been compiling my list as I was noticing I was running out of things, so after gussying myself up, I grabbed up my list and hit the door.

I have to say, the one nice thing about living alone is that you don't have to worry about having to grocery shop for more than yourself.  There's no compromising on things you want to eat, things you want in the cupboard as a snack or having to worry about having dinner on the table at a specific time.

As a side note, I have to say one thing, I love living alone because after I went through my apartment with a bulldozer and cleaned it after the spring semester wrapped, it has stayed clean.  I was hopping into the shower this afternoon and I have to say, before when I lived with ye-who-shall-remain-nameless, the shower was always a honkin' mess.  It was always gross and it always seemed to grow mildew without hesitation.  Now, my shower is a pristine haven of  good smells, no mildew, no dirty footprints, it's just so clean!  I love it.   My maintenance man came in on Saturday to change my A/C filter and believe it or not, he looked at me and said, "Wow! Your filter is one of the cleanest I've seen," meaning that the apartment is very clean and pristine.  I was tickled to hear that!

So getting back to grocery shopping, today I walked into the store with my fresh new 'do...(my stylist gave me new blonde highlights on Friday...it looks so good!) and with a few less pounds, I did the aisles. (To answer your question, yes, I've lost 3 more pounds, woot!)

The fun thing about the grocery store today was how many men stopped to look at me.  This is the moment you come home and do the happy dance because you finally feel like you're really starting to shine again after being shoved in the shadows for years.  It felt so good.

After the store, I carried everything up my stairs and unpacked it all, and my cupboards are now full again for relatively cheap. (I shopped very smart, took coupons and only got what I needed, well, except for the bag of Cheetos that are my treat.)  Every time I reached for something on a shelf at the store, I asked myself, "Are you going to eat all of that?" which made sure I purchased only what I would completely consume.  It's amazing when you go to the grocery store and are vigilant about making sure you're not just getting stuff to fill the cupboard and you're vigilant about making sure you eat everything you buy, the grocery bill is a lot cheaper.

No one ever tells you that when you go through marital demise that you have to go back through and make sure that you change your shopping habits too.  That one took me a long time to learn, and finally after two years, I'm not buying the huge package of toilet paper anymore.  (Don't ask, the ex went through more toilet paper than I could ever imagine.) I also finally made sure to get things that I could package separately and be able to defrost one thing at a time instead of a whole package.  I got two steaks (my endocrinologist...weep, more on him later...got on me for not eating more red meat on my last visit with him because my vitamin B was a little low on my last blood test), so I coupled that with a nice selection of meats including a very nice roast to make sure I had plenty of protein in my diet.   I also got something I haven't purchased in over two years, a bag of potatoes.  Ok, just to tell you how huge this is, I usually get my carbs through rice or pasta because I grew up on potatoes.  My mom can make a potato into an origami and I love them, but they're also the antithesis of trying to exchange five pounds of fat for five pounds of muscle.  However, my world famous Smash Potatoes were calling me and with the roast in my shopping basket, yeah, I got potatoes (in which I'm going to do my best to eat them all before they grow roots, but knowing me and my devotion to steamed rice, I'm not sure.)

My diet is really important to me because I'm trying to get myself into a relatively pleasing form again.  I've kept up with my workout diet which consists of lots of protein and a few carbs.  Hey, it's working, 34 pounds are gone and I'm starting to see some physical changes for the better (my pecs are starting to beef up again, we like that, it makes for better buoyancy up top and makes it easier to fight gravity).

But tonight I went into the kitchen and made a roast, smash potatoes and string beans.  So good!  I hadn't had my smash potatoes in sooooo long.  I stuck my finger into the bowl (another perk of living alone) after I had smashed the heck out of them, and put the taste of sublime heaven in my mouth.  I had forgotten how good my potatoes were!  So I sat happily with a full plate and watched The Witches of Eastwick and laughed at the exchange between Alex (played by Cher) and Daryl (played by Jack Nicholson):

Alexandra Medford: Are you married?
Daryl Van Horne: Good question! You see, brains! The answer is no, I don't believe in it. Good for the man, lousy for the woman. She dies, she suffocates. I've seen it! And then the husband runs around complaining to everyone that he's f*'ing a dead person, and he's the one who killed her! [bursts into laughter]  Where's your husband?
Alexandra Medford: Dead.
Daryl Van Horne:  Well, sorry, but you're one of the lucky ones.  When a woman unloads a husband or a husband unloads a woman, however it happens...  Death. Desertion. Divorce.  The three "D's", when that happens, a woman blooms, she blossoms...
Whoever wrote those lines has been married, and personally, it sounds like a woman wrote it, because that is the BEST way I can describe what's happened to me.  I died the day I said, "I do."  Hell, I wish I would have followed my gut instinct and booked it out of the courthouse in Montreal without putting my head into the noose.  But alas, I wouldn't be able to talk about how wonderful it is to grocery shop for myself, make myself a fantastic meal, or sit back and laugh at the whole mess without going through it first.

But I have to say, things are going well, my job is great, I've done all of my maintenance (hair, nails, waxing) and grocery shopped twice and I'm doing it on my own.  Forgive me for being proud of myself, but remember way back when I told Doc Cat that one of my life goals was to live successfully on my own?  Well, I'm doing it and I couldn't be happier.

Ok, now let's follow up about my endocrinologist.  Oh weep, I'm so upset about this... As we know, I've broken more ties to my ex.  I've got my own heath insurance now, and well, with my new plan, I couldn't keep my endocrinologist of the last six years.  I have to change doctors.  My endo was such a great guy and he was my psychiatrist pre-Doc Cat and he was there before and after the bomb dropped and the ex left.  He's also the guy who's given me guidance on how to shed the 34 pounds I've lost.  So last Tuesday was my last visit with him before I get my new doctor.  I'm sure I'll fill you guys in when I go to see the new one.  But much less to say, I'm quite sad I lost my favorite endocrinologist.

The upside is that my new insurance has me going to a different lab for my blood tests.  Hashimoto's Thyroiditis is a pain because every three to four months I have to get blood drawn to check my TSH and T4 levels along with an occasional vitamin check.  Remember, the auto-immune disease creates more white blood cells (they're attacking my thyroid, remember?) and if my meds are working, it keeps them under control and the cell count correct.  Well, the new lab I have to go to is wonderful.  There is a large lab in town that most providers use and it's always a mad house with screaming kids, long lines and whathaveyou.  Well, my new lab was a different story.  When I walked in, the waiting room was empty and it was beautiful.  I signed in, handed over my insurance card, got the blood drawn and was in and out of there in about five minutes.  If that's a sign of what my new insurance is going to be giving me, I'm looking forward to seeing my new endocrinologist.

But, between new blonde highlights, a great job, full cupboards and the trimmings of living life as a success, I can't believe this is happening to me.  I guess Daryl was right...when you go through one of the three D's, you bloom, blossom and really get some traction.

Right now, my dishwasher is running, my groceries are put away and I have a beautiful bowl of fresh grapes on my desk to refresh my palate.  My glass is full, my apartment is clean and I guess this is the moment where you say, "Everything is as it should be."

But I'm still sitting back and thinking I'd like to have a special guy to share this with...I guess it goes with the movie I watched tonight over dinner:
Alexandra Medford: I don't think that men are the answer to everything.
Sukie Ridgemont: No.
Jane Spofford: Then why do we always end up talking about them?
Jane, it's the "can't live with them, can't live without them" thing.

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