It's getting late, so I'll have to make this quick.
I have to be up at 4:30am to go to work, but I needed to write a quick entry after seeing the trailer to the new Julia Roberts film "Eat Pray Love". Basically, Eat Pray Love looks like what I'm doing here, except I'm on a budget and have no plans to travel around the world to find myself. I've got Vegas, with it's mass of neuroses and varied b.s. to deal with, so it should be enough to get me on my way.
Ok, so in the vein of Eat Pray Love, there have been some changes since the ex left. For those of you who have been here, well, this will shock you:
It's ok Kathy, you can fall over and freak out. It's so clean! Which for me, is nothing short of a miracle being that my apartment didn't look like this when the ex lived here. There are many people who can attest to that.
Ok, so that's one step out of the way, I have a clean environment.
Step two in changing your life usually comes with a really big shake-up. I got my first on-the-clock job last Thursday. It's the first time in 10 years I've had a job that has steadily paid me versus spotty contracts and no steady work.
Now, it's not the most glamorous job. I'm working for a internet service provider. That's all I am at liberty to say because as so many news articles have said, the sure way to lose your job is by blogging about it.
Let's give you the short version...I work in a warehouse now. Yes, I know, hush, it's not paying tribute to my skills, this I already know and my back and feet screaming out in pain every second has not failed to remind me that I'm not really where I should be. It's getting to work at 6am, working on technology, and NO I don't work at a computer, it's manual labor. The big thing is that it's a paycheck, and the fact that it is a paycheck when times are ones where paychecks don't come to just anyone, it's the sentiment of every single person who works in that warehouse with me; all they're doing is working for the end of the week when the checks come out, they could care less and often hate what they're doing.
The staff I work with is a reflection of the economy, there's a woman with a PhD in Education that is sitting and doing paperwork, there is a journalism major who specialized in PR that I sat and built boxes with today. Are you feeling me yet? That warehouse is filled with lost souls that are sweltering in a building that's cooled by standing fans and swamp coolers that doesn't even go below 95 degrees in the heat of the day. But we're all there for one reason, it's a paycheck.
But, you can't rebuild your life on air and the generosity of your ex. It's not possible. Especially when my ex's arrogant and promiscuous habits have caught him square in the ass and the well is drying up fast. It's as my mother said when I was 7 and shoving me at the wall of the pool to teach me to swim, she said, "There's the wall. I'm right here with you, now you either sink or swim, it's your choice," then she politely threw me at the wall. The thing is, I gave it all my might and I swam and that's exactly what I have to do now.
I don't particularly care for my job. I think it's beneath my skills. Those of you who know me are going "Yeah, duh", but the thing of it is, in this economy, you can't say no to a job even if it's the most mundane thing you've ever done in your life.
Funny thing about it all, it's the exact same amount of money I was making when I met my ex 10 years ago. Talk about sad. However, it's like I said last time, I'm in the exact same place I was before I met my ex. This means I can only go up from here.
No amount of prayer is going to get me out of my mess. Only I can. There is no sucking the marrow out of life just yet, it's taking one step forward and seeing where I end up. Love, well, that's something that I'm really not looking for. When it's time, love will find me. It's the only thing I'm sure of right now.
But, I've gotta go. It's late and 4:30am comes early. I might not like what I'm doing one iota, but it's a paycheck and it's the first one I'll have made from punching a clock in 10 years. This is a good thing, don't you think?